False Beliefs

Last week during my Hope Mentor training, I was presented with my "flesh wall." Basically, things from my past have influenced me and caused me to get my needs met apart from Christ. We all have a sack of baggage that we carry around, and my partner presented me with mine in black and white. They were all correct, and kind of scary to hear out loud. All of sudden you feel yourself become vulnerable and the steep hill you {think you} have to climb in order to dump the sack of baggage. The leader warned us, that once you become presented with them, God will put you in situations where all of sudden your flesh wall is flashing like a neon light. She was right!

My first neon light came that very evening, at that very training! I wanted to chat with the Hope Leader speaker afterwards, however, someone else was chatting with her first. I kind of dilly-dallied and threw away my garbage, went and got a water, pushed in my chair, and still they were chatting! I was frustrated. Do I go and wait in "line" behind the person already talking with her, maybe if I look over there she'll notice that I'm wanting to discuss something with her. I decided that what I had to say could wait and as I turned and walked away I could feel this inner dialect within myself flaring up. I could hear my false beliefs so clear with words attached to the feelings for the first time...I am not worthy of her attention, I am inadequate, I must be heard to know I am of value. I paused for a minute in recognition of this and felt sad by my revelation. Had I been alone I would have wept.

My second neon light has been occurring my entire life, but with little effort the last few years. Rejection is a HUGE fear of mine. I avoid it like the plague. I was rejected for a large part of my childhood. School peers can be brutal. All I ever wanted to do was "fit in." I tried my best anyway, and usually that wasn't enough. I found a few good friends, and I was good with that. I graduated and moved on and eventually learned that people do like me, I am funny {note I didn't say witty}, and dare I say I'm even pretty?! I'm the first to admit that I am a people pleaser, I am not confrontational, and I am very relational. Being around and doing for others fills up my love tank, sometimes to a fault. I'm working on how to say no, and have learned to enjoy being in a room with only me, myself, and I. However, recently I have encountered someone who makes me question myself and my worth and my likeability factor. When I am around this person I walk away wondering what I did to make them not like me. Did I do or say something? I find myself wanting to talk to them, having pretend conversations to ask them what I did or could do differently. And have even tossed and turned the night away. Hello? Neon light warning! Finally it occurred to me that this situation IS my flesh wall at its peak! The news flash at the bottom of the t.v. screen was saying, I should find significance from another's love, appreciation, and acceptance. I must have everyone's love and approval to feel good about myself and be emotionally O.K. My security is based on my maintaining my structure and on connectedness with others. 

Gulp!

I am writing revelations (my neon lights) verbatim out of my training manual, and know that I could tweak them to fit each scenario perfectly, but I think you get the point.

Here's the part that ROCKS my world. My handy dandy hope mentor training manual, and the classes I go to every week. I now know what to do when I am faced and realize that I am in the midst of getting my needs met apart from Christ and living in the flesh. I have a choice to make.

Here's what I learned:
1. You cannot make yourself stop thinking a thought.
2. You cannot think two thoughts at one time.
3. You CAN replace one thought with another.
4. If you don't willfully choose to set your mind, it will be set for you.
5. Your emotions usually follow where your mind is set.


Here's what I can do:
Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
Renew your mind. Romans 12:2

Here's how I do it:
Replace my false beliefs with scripture. It really is that simple! {I think}. They've suggested that I write down the scriptures on a 3x5 card and put it somewhere I will see it daily. Eventually, I will look to these versus and choose to willfully set my mind on Christ and getting my needs met by Him, versus my flesh.
They've made it easy and given me a list of false beliefs and scripture that counters my thinking. The list is not exhaustive and can always be added to. 

Scriptures tailored to my false beliefs. I replace my false beliefs with these:
Neon light #1:

• I am to find my value in Christ. Eph 1:6
• He has made me accepted and perfect. Eph 1:6; Heb 10:14
• I can do all things through Christ. I am complete in Him. Col 2:10; Phil 4:13

Neon light #2:

• I am not entitled to others meeting my needs. My needs are to be met in Christ. I am complete in Him. He will fill me. Phil 4:19; Col 2:10; Eph 5:17-18
• I can't count on others approval for meeting my needs of worth, validation, and significance. These are met in Christ. Phil 4:19; Col 2:10; Eph 5:17-18

So there it is folks. It's not the whole sack of baggage, but just enough to make me slightly uncomfortable. And we all know the greatest growth comes from not quite feeling like you've got it all in control.

What do your false beliefs look like?