Here I Stand

As I sit with my coffee cup nearing its end I am contemplating how far I take this thing, aka my blog, my writing, my thoughts, questions, and doubts. Writing has always been such a private thing for me. As a kid it was how I released a lot of the tension I felt inside. Only I didn't dare write my thoughts in something labeled a diary, that's an open invitation just asking to be read. I wrote on whatever paper was available to me at the time. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I yelled, and sometimes I oodled over some cute boy, but I ALWAYS hid it, usually under my dresser, never letting my words see the light of day.

Fast forward about fifteen or twenty years, I find that I am still trying to tuck away my thoughts, hiding them from the light of day, in fear of what others might think of what I say, or how I feel. Fearful of letting others in on what is pressing upon my heart.  

Except now what is pressing upon my heart is a gentle nudge from God requesting me to somehow share my words with others. Something that has been so private and so sacred to me. Then the doubts come flooding in and I wonder if I have anything to say that anyone would care to read or hear me share.

I'm not so sure that God is even so worried about that. Maybe He's just asking me to obey and submit to His authority in my writing, because it has been so tucked into the dark. And we all know that things in the dark can take on a life of their own and cast its shadow into other areas of our lives.

*So here I stand, 

with my arms high and my heart abandoned, 

In awe of The One who gave it all, 

I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered, 

All I am is Yours.*

*Thank you Michael W. Smith, and Hillsong for having words better than my own. Your poetry feeds my soul.