I'm still learning

Just.

Get.

Started.

I play back to my school days when writing was such a struggle. The teacher would call it brainstorming. She'd turn on her timer for 30 minutes and tell us to just write whatever came to us. Nothing particular, just whatever flowed from mind, to pen, to paper.  And what would I come up with?

Nothing.

She'd say, just write something.

I had a case of writers block. Mostly because I didn't see myself as a writer. If someone would have told me I'd be sitting at my desk desiring to write publicly I would have scoffed at them.

But here I am.

As a child I wasn't ready to loosen up and just let things flow from me. I didn't know at the time but fear had captivated me. Other kids were writing about their weekend sleepovers, and vacations that they had gone on. I didn't have any of that. I didn't really know what would be of me from one moment to the next. And that is where I learned to take my thoughts inside of me.

But here I am.

Finding every moment of my day an inspiration of something I could capture in my writing. As I stand and do the dishes and drift off into thought, I'm more aware of my thoughts, and I begin to "brainstorm" where those thoughts could find themselves here.

And I'm still learning.

Which is why my last few posts have been dominated by the fact that I'm writing. And I begin to have a conversation with myself...
Um, isn't that what I've been doing since I started this blog back in 2010? Writing?
Yes, yest it is, but now, you've decided that you want to share with others. Some how you are trying to prove to yourself that you are a writer. But the only person that needs to call you that, is yourself.
Oh, is that how that works?! I just decide it?
Yes, that is how it works. Don't forget that God is pressing upon your heart. You said so yourself, just the other day!
Well, sheesh, don't be so pushy. I'm trying to get there.

And there. In an instant, I realize that I'm still captivated by fear and am still fighting that urge to keep my thoughts inside of me.