Magic*

Photo Credit: Aubrey Stout

Magic*

i believe in magic. but not of the mystical, although it can be. the unexplainable. the kind that inspires. the kind that creates. magic that burns and dwells deep inside my soul. it makes me think. or pause. or jump. it can invigorate and enrage. it has an amazing capacity to make me feel [alive]. today I sit with my magic and give thanks for it.

There's not very many things that make me feel giddy. Okay, those of you who know me, know that's a lie. Everything makes me giddy. I can't help it. I try to go through life happy.

The above photo makes me ecstatic. I can feel some sort of burn inside of my chest, because creating is something I've   l o n g e d   for. Music does this to me. I know now, why the Lord blessed me with a husband who can strum a guitar. He opened my musical gateway. He's far better musician than most playing on the radio these days, although he would never say that. It was magic back in the day watching how a simple strum or lick of notes on his guitar would lead to a melody, soon the piano player would jazz it up with some chord progression and before you knew it lyrics were added and bam I was jamming out to their new song at their latest gig. Mind you this was pre-youtube, or digital cameras. All my memories are stored in my heart, a CD that they recorded together and some bad band photos I took in my photog days.

It was back in 2001 that I took my first art class. I had taken a few photography classes prior to that, and had fun in dark rooms, using chemicals that would reveal if your photo had that {it} quality. Mine never did. I had lots of misses. Mark had left for basic training in the air force, the friends we had made during that time all moved away. It marked some big changes in my life and I found that I was alone--literally and figuratively for the first time. I had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with, despite being in college full time, and the Vice President of Student Government. That silly paint class was a reprieve from the loneliness I was feeling.

Some of my first pieces. On the back one says, "seeing lots of improvement."

I struggled in that art class, much in the same way I struggled with music. Confidence has been an issue since I can remember. Failed solos, because I just didn't trust that I could do it. Art that my instructor was trying to pull out from me. I get sad when I think about it. People constantly encouraging me and me-just-not-capable-of-believing-in-me. I didn't see my own magic, only others. 

But, in the midst of all that. I did grow. I didn't lose my longing to create. I just needed to take time to figure out who I was. I finally am beginning to find that part of me that is actually confident, not the one pretending to be. You are correct Mr. Professor, I see lots of improvement and I hope I always do.

I have lots of plans for 2013. I have an announcement or two coming and I'm definitely going to keep incorporating my art into my writing. I recently had a few requests to recreate a painting of the above grace photo and I'm actually excited to see what I can come up with. That photo is what I call magic* because I was just fiddling around with a few apps I have on my iPhone. It just happened, but I love it! I'm learning the art of letting go. Some things you just can't force. Experimentation is something to revere. I've been taught that over and over again in music and art. It just took me a really long time to listen.

I've been mulling around in my head what my word for 2013 would be and I think it just took its shape. magic* it is.
If you'd like to create your own word, instead of some new years resolution you probably won't keep, check out this website: