Blank Canvas

Blank Canvas

I signed up to paint this door (front AND back!). ^^^

It was an accident really. I saw a post on Facebook about needing artists to paint doors to benefit two different communities/charities in the area. I got that rolling in the gut when you know something stirs you feeling. I clicked on the link and found there weren't any restrictions on how they were labeling "artist" and immediately thought, that could be neat and interesting. I clicked on the registration (a google doc) and started filling it out. I got another rolling in my gut, generally referred to as fear. I texted my husband and said, "Hey, what do you think about this idea...I either need you to tell me I'm absolutely crazy or give me a push of encouragement to go for it."
He texted back, "It's got you written all over it!"

The fear didn't leave me and I decided to allow myself to think about it. I did, think about it, except I thought myself right on out of the idea and had convinced myself that with a couple of other projects I had going on and with school just starting for the kids, that it was indeed a crazy idea and I shouldn't do it.

A few days pass and with summer ending the kids and I headed to the High Museum of Art and lost ourselves in other peoples art for the day. We finished up and hopped on the Marta to head back to my husbands office in Buckhead, when I receive an email notifying me to pick up my door between this date and that date. Huh?! I never hit the submit button saying I would ACTUALLY paint a door. I may have cursed out that blessed Google doc (silently, of course)!

I momentarily panicked and then thought back to the museum we just finished walking through. (Seriously, could the timing have been any better or worse, the irony does not escape me--this is how I know God has a sense of humor). The museum was great, but what I walked away feeling, especially after getting my door email, was what makes a great artist isn't necessarily their skill, but their ability to process the world around them and to transform that process to elicit a response, either from them-self, or others. 

I long to create, yet I let fear step in the way all to often. Fear can be blinding and debilitating. I let it squish me into a box, afraid to risk anything. What am I afraid to risk anyway? If you'll like my art or not, or if you'll like me? So what! I didn't love everything I saw at the museum. I have to be okay with whether you like my art or not. If you like me or not. If, because I risked something, I'll be viewed differently. And when I stop and think about this fear of mine, I can see how irrational it is. I actually like when things are viewed outside of the box! I find value and passion outside of the box! Why do I work so hard to keep myself neat and tidy within the box?! Different is a good thing.

Which brings me circling around to the other side, once again. What if you like my art? What if you like me? What if because I risked something and was viewed differently that is what made it/me good? There's risk in that too. Being good enough.

I'll end with this...

Tribe. I need you. Circle around me. Remind me that I long to create. Remind me that being different is good and that being good enough is a risk worth taking.