Guest Post: Independence Day(s)

A Guest Post by my husband, Mark:
This post made me cry, if I would have been by myself when I read it, an ugly cry would have been in order. I am so proud of the steps my husband has taken to be able to write this. 

There is something written into each and every one of our strands of DNA that monitor and react to our changing climates of independence. Like the body’s internal temperature device, this independence device is constantly scanning our environments, calculating our current esteem, factoring in our present worldly paradigm, and making projections of risk and reward. When the math calls for it, we can remain in place, content and joyous in our current life, or, we find ourselves requiring an adjustment. Adjustments come in many forms and fashions. It could be as simple as dyeing your hair pink, getting some new body ink, taking a stand for or against an idea, or even challenging a current belief. 

As a parent, this can be extremely exciting to watch your child go through constant independence refactoring, but also enormously terrifying. I was recently reminded of a child’s very first natural changes in independence as I watched a video of a good friend’s baby take his first full trip across the living on his very own two feet. It reminded me of watching my two children take that very same journey many years ago. It also reminded me of the biblical stories of Adam and Eve taking their first steps of independence as God’s masterpiece, mankind, was spoke into existence.

I was 24 years old when I reluctantly declared Christ as my Savior. I say reluctantly, because for many years prior, I fought against all things Christ. Maybe not so much Christ really, just the idea of folklore from the years gone by somehow fulfilled the emptiness that much of this world holds, and the idea that the curse of death was somehow all better because of a guy and an act that happened thousands of years ago. You see, like many, I felt man did have a weak spot in their makeup. However, I believed that any weak spot could be strengthened through determination and will. Strengthening this weak spot merely consisted of the awaking of the senses to the idea that death was real, inevitable, and that your true happiness would come from living joyous life events, passing the torch to our offspring, and making our human existence better one generation at a time. I guess you could call that human evolution.

At the age of 24, my foundation was transformed, my paradigm shifted, and I found that joy really could only come from God. I discovered that there was no such thing as independence, without understanding, independence was simply a creation itself. A creation that was formed, in those words spoken, that birthed mankind. I also found that God’s creation of independence served as a vehicle to transform me to that point in life when I could walk over the edge from the reality of the here and now, to blind faith. And at times, be moved to repeat that process more than once. I was reminded earlier this year how extremely hard it is to blindly follow God, and even how much harder it is to blindly accept the incredible idea that God so loved the world that he gave his only son.

Scanning his environment, calculating his current esteem, factoring in his present worldly paradigm, and projecting risk and reward, my then eleven year old son declared that he would no longer subscribe to the idea of God and his Son. As you can imagine, Aubrey and I went scrabbling for the bible, holy water, the Popes phone number, and a good Christian counselor for her and I! I will say, Aubrey was much more compassionate and understanding right from the start. I guess I took it a little personal, after all, as I understood it, I was the one responsible for the overall spiritual well-being of my household. I praise God for Aubrey during that time, or else I would have freaked out and locked our son in his room until he decided to recant!

With a level head, we decided to sit our son down and engage. To this point in our son’s life, I had always thought that he was a little different than Aubrey and I. He was extremely logical, and had a passion like I had never seen for science, history, and the social sciences. I’m not even sure the word passion is right… I remember being six and him wanting to become an astronaut, I don’t remember being six and knowing everything about the Apollo Missions, to include booster engine make, model, and thrust rates. He had always amazed me, and truth be told, intimidated me a little J. Anyway, so we engaged him on his new belief system and learned that he had spent a great deal of time working through all he had learned the last eleven years about God, and Jesus. He had also spent a great deal of time thinking about the millions of galaxies, physics, different religious beliefs, and the inevitable unanswerable questions of good and evil. As these thoughts rolled off of his tongue, I quickly began to realize that he and I were not that different after all. Everything that had caused him to question God, also plagued me for many years leading into my adulthood. I began to quickly lose my inward and truth be told, outward tension, and began to embrace him as being perfectly sane and alright.

Dad: Son!

Son: Yes Dad?

Dad: I have some amazing news for you! Fortunately for you, I have already had these thoughts and struggles, and I can get you out of this!!

Son: Ok, Dad. (Son’s internal thoughts: I can’t wait to see this…).

If anyone could help my son deal with many of the scientific questions that cause doubt, it is my favorite Atheist turned Follower of Christ, Lee Strobel. If that name doesn’t ring a bell, Lee was an investigative journalist for the Chicago Tribune that went on a fact finding journey to prove/disprove God and his Son, Jesus. In his books “A Case for Christ,” and “A Case for a Creator,” Lee interviewed a plethora of scholars in both the sciences and theology. I won’t kill the ending for you, but we will just say that he pieced together some amazing evidence that proves both God and his Son. I guess I just killed the ending…Sorry. Lee specifically addresses issues like evolution, the Big Bang, and the notion that Christianity is like every other religious belief. So I ordered the books and began reading with my son. I quickly found that the material was way above both of us. Thank you, made for T.V. videos. My son and I watched the videos “A case for Creation,” then “A Case for Christ.” I could tell that many of the issues on my son’s list began to dissolve. I could also tell that he still had a full list. I quickly found that my years of turmoil and problem solving in this important area of life would not translate to someone else’s quick solution.

The following weeks allowed me to share my faith story with my son. The good, the bad, and the ugly, he heard it all. If anything, I think that it gave him comfort in knowing that he was not running solo in this mission. Additionally, Aubrey and I worked with our son’s small group leaders at church. We let them know the details and they let us know that they genuinely cared, and armed with that knowledge, they would take due-diligence to help.

I have thrown all of my wisdom into this situation, Aubrey continues to pray with our son before the school day begins, and more importantly, he prays with her. Our amazing church family understands and accepts our son for who he is, and continues to speak God’s truth into him. Our son happily attends church weekly, and attends the weekend long retreats. My son has taught me that he is far more open minded that I ever was regarding this subject. We are blessed for that.

So you might ask, “What kind of an ending is that?” “Where are the keys to unlocking disbelief in a child that has lived in a Christ following family his whole life?” Well, it is not the ending, and that is not the point. This year I have been reminded that we all struggle with doubt. We may even struggle with the Big Doubt that transforms our independence away from a dependence for God. I have often heard that we are the luckiest generation of Christians. We, at least in the United States, are not persecuted, tortured, or even as we have seen in history, forced into killing in the name of Christ. I would never discredit our forefathers’ struggles, but, would offer a challenge to the notion that it is easy being a Christian today. More so than any other generation of Christianity, we have the struggles of knowledge and information. The devil doesn’t have to use Nero’s anymore, he has on demand opinions, ideas, and theories constantly bombarding us with notions that challenge God’s design, and plan for us. I am not talking about pop-culture, music, movies, and video games, although that is certainly another big weapon in Satan’s arsenal. I am talking about our ability to explore the universe, like we have never been able to do before. I am talking about being able to run electrons through collision models, in efforts to prove the Big Bang and being able to broadcast the results for all to see with a click of a button. I am talking about the ability to turn on the T.V., or read the front of the newspaper at any given time and witness another piece of our humanity drift away as we learn of yet another school shooting or senseless killing in the name of God. This affects me as a full grown adult, so imagine how it affects an eleven year old, fourteen year old, a twenty year old. It is hard being a Christian today.  

Armed with the knowledge and complete insight into why our son struggles in his belief, the understanding of our current information overload landscape, a church family that truly cares, and a God that goes out looking for that one lost, of ninety-nine sheep, this is how we proceed.  We continue unconditionally loving, understanding, and being an example of God’s love. You have no idea how excited I have become that our son has ended up in this situation right here, and right now. For what was once a curse in my mind has turned into a true blessing. Our son is dealing with situations that I had to deal with in my twenties, when I had no one to speak Godly wisdom into my life. My son is surrounded by unconditional family and church love and is right where God wants him to be at this time in his life. It is not a challenge, not a curse, not scary. It is the opportunity to allow my son the ability to take this journey, while Aubrey, I, and our church thankfully can stand below and guide him while holding the safety ropes.

We will continue to pray with him, pray for him, and thank God every day for the opportunity to be with him. I am comforted knowing that his heart has the foundation of God’s Love, while he faces this intellectual battle to make sense of it all.