H e a r t E x p a n s i o n
I cannot tell you how many times I have sat down and attempted to write this update letter. For whatever reason this go around it has been much, much harder to put my experience into words. Then as time kept moving along it felt more and more like going to South Africa was just a dream. Then Kristina posted THIS video to Facebook, and the whole team was like, “oh yeah, remember when?!” Her video puts our time there into a neat little package, the very ending is my absolute most favorite. Go ahead, I know you want to…stop reading…and go watch it! I’ll be here when you come back. :)
Check out all of our team photos/videos by heading to our share site:
I’m going to try and keep this summary short and sweet, because my 2011 letter was practically a novel, or a short story at best. If you read the whole darn thing, you are a saint! If you haven't read it and would like to, you can HERE. Read at your own risk! ;)
When I stepped back onto American soil, almost immediately my heart ached to go back. I just wanted to hug one more neck, tell one more child how special they are, and encourage one more leader to keep on shining their light. They call this process, “re-entry,” or at least according to one article someone shared with me. It was referring mostly to long term missions, but to some degree it still applies to me even though I was only gone for 11 days. It’s hard to go back to what normal was, because now everywhere I look, I can see, I mean really see the excess, the endless opportunities, the conveniences and all of the privileges we seem to take for granted here.
I could easily compartmentalize my time there, put what I felt, what I experienced, what I saw, into a box, tape it up, mark it fragile, and never look at it again. Thank you to those of you who kept asking, “where is your update letter?! I want to hear about Africa!” This trip was amazing, but it didn’t come without heartbreak, or feeling utterly helpless. Having gone before, I knew that I was going to come home feeling like the trip did more for me, then I did for them. I have to admit that made me feel guilty in more than one way.
In 2011, I left a piece of my heart there. My little paradigm was shifted and I recognized that my eyes had been opened in a way that meant I wouldn’t be able to close them the same way ever again. This time, my eyes weren’t just open, but my heart. I arrived with the goal of letting all sorts of things inside of it, with every moment, every joy, every heart break, I was going to let it grow and expand my heart.
And it did…
We met this joyful woman named Gladys and her stunning daughter Namaphelo. Gladys is a mama that lives in a township called Lower Cross Roads. Her home looks like the thousands of others sitting next to it. A small shack made with sheets of metal, dirt floors, and whatever else she can accumulate that will help transform a shack into a home. She takes this small space and offers it weekly to about 20 teenagers that are leaders or learning how to become leaders for Metro Kids Africa. It certainly makes me think twice about all the excuses of why I don’t use my house for hosting things. My #1 excuse…it’s small. Getting to paint, repair and decorate her home was so very humbling. Winter was fast approaching and half of their home was inhabitable because of a leaky roof. When we finished painting her bedroom (pink!), she screamed with glee, “I can’t wait to sleep here!” The tears that woman cried and the gratefulness she felt just can’t be expressed. I don’t even speak the same language as her, but tears, those are universal. Talk about expansion of the heart.
The hard days had room for expansion too. On one of the days we were heading out to Gladys’ house we narrowly missed a car accident on the highway. If you live out in the townships and obtain employment in the city, about 10-15 miles away, many will take the long walk along the highway and even cross it without using the foot bridge. David (the designated driver on my team) thankfully was able to maneuver around the accident, but not without several of us looking out to the left and seeing a man lying on the ground, lifeless, blood spilling out onto the roadway. The realization of what we just witnessed had us all speechless and stunned. As hard as I try to erase that image in my head, it will forever hold a space. I don’t know if he had family, or identification that enabled his family to be notified, so I take comfort in knowing that even if the answer is no, and he is nameless in the physical world, he isn’t in the heavenly one.
We visited several Sidewalk sites, which basically is kids church in the townships and it is a lot of fun! If you visit Cape Town and you want to feel like a rock star, be sure to include this in your itinerary. The kids come running to you in swarms. The very last one we attended was by far my most favorite site, they call it KTC. I wanted to be sure I soaked up every last drop I could and was extra emotional knowing this was the last day with the kids and site leaders I have come to admire with every fiber in my being. I sat next to one little girl and she just attached herself to me and had to have one portion of her body locked to mine at all times. She would get a little sassy if another little girl wanted to hold my hand or take a picture with me. She was precious and I wanted to take her home with me! Ncedisa, one of the leaders of this site, asked our team to pray for the kids. I felt torn between staying with my little sass, or getting up and walking around. I decided to lean in really close to the ones nearest me, I touched my knee to her back, put my arm around this one’s neck, reached my hand to that one’s shoulder and lifted them up to my heavenly father that knows them, loves them and sees them. The tears began to run down my face and my little sass and my hearts were infinitely knitted together. When it was time to say goodbye, we acted silly, took a million selfies, and embraced one another firmly…and then she kissed me and my heart almost exploded. I pray that God would use his mightiness to convey to this sweet and sassy girl that I think of her, adore her and dream of her future, because Lord knows the prospect of laying my eyes on her in the flesh again is not likely.
The more and more I allowed for my own heart expansion the more I realized about the exponential ability of God’s love, it is unending and without limits. There is no greater joy than knowing that the love He extends out can only grow and expand and never shrink or diminish. There is enough love for me, for you, for your neighbor, for all the people across the lands and nations and for the names and faces of people that have yet to even meet this planet. The same could be said for grace. I could sustain myself on those two things alone. His Love. His Grace.
The hard part, at least for me, is the conviction part. Now that my eyes are open, and I can’t close them the same way, what do I do with that? What good is heart expansion if I don’t allow for its evolution of me? Obviously, I know that I can’t wave my magic wand and Poof! all the injustices in South Africa are gone, but it does inherently cause me to navigate the world we live in differently. I’m so grateful I got to experience and see the world in a new way, thanks to YOUR generosity, prayers and support.
Your support and investment in me has meant so much! If there is one thing I’ve learned by going on mission trips is that we all, no matter the language, culture, or hardships we face, want to know we matter to someone. Together we peeked out into this big world and invested our time, energy and resources into letting others know they matter. I believe that when we show others, you matter to me, they begin to understand and believe how much God loves them and is for them. Someone did that for me and it was a complete game changer. It is one of the seasons of my life I go back to over and over again with immense gratitude. Together with Metro Kids Africa we were able to write on some hearts, in a world where feeling forgotten seems truer most days than not.
The people of South Africa do not need a single person to feel sorry for them. They know how to experience joy far beyond what we tend to think possible, given their circumstances. Their beautiful singing African voices taught me that and women like Gladys who are opening their doors and saying, use what little I have to help invest in others along with her gleeful squeal to sleep in a pink room. It is incredible! Is there hurt, pain, poverty, and injustice, in their lives? Yes, but you know why Gladys opens her doors to those 20+ teens every week, because someone did it for her daughter. That is the best kind of heart expansion I could ever imagine.
If you feel find yourself thinking, “what can I do to help Metro Kids Africa?,” you can do a few things, 1) Check out their website and learn about what they do, 2) Keep up to date with them via their Facebook page or 3) Sponsor a child through their Pen Pal program for about $25/month.
I couldn’t seem to string any coherent sentences from my lips when any of you asked about this trip, except, “it was amazing,” or “I loved it.” The best way for me to convey my experiences on this mission trip and how that translates into my everyday life is to write and share about it, even if it is 2+ months later that you’re actually getting to hear about it! My heart spills over with gratitude and humility to you. I thank God for each and every one of you, for selflessly leveraging a piece of your life to allow me to once again share the undeniable truth of His Love and His Grace with Cape Town, South Africa.
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. –Nelson Mandela
With love & gratitude,
Aubrey
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